Learning to love the gray...

I am person who has always lived in terms of black and white...I hate the gray. Something either is or it isn't. Henry's diagnosis of Spina Bifida has planted me firmly in the gray. I'm carrying a baby whose future is unknown. Doctors could repair Henry's lesion and he could very well be like every other kid or he may never be able to walk, have severe bladder and bowel complications, seizures, and the list could continue, but it's all gray, it's all unknown and we may not know these things until well into Henry's life on this earth.

As I have been researching online and reading the stories of other families they have given me a hope that I didn't have a couple of days ago, but most of their journeys began with the gray, unknown diagnosis that is Spina Bifida. There have been some sad, dark moments over the last few days, and I am not naive enough to think there won't be more, but for now God has called me and my family to stand in the gray so we will choose to find the blessing in that and in return He will give us comfort and care when we need it.

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year and Oliver is as in love with pumpkins as you would expect any 22-month-old to be. His favorite book right now is The Pumpkin Patch Parable by Liz Curtis Higgs, who is one of my all time favorite Bible teachers. Oliver has so much fun pointing out the the farmer, the barns and all the vegetables, so really I don't mind that we read it over and over and over because it brings him such joy. Tonight we were reading it for the third time and I noticed on the bottom of one of the pages the words from Isaiah 66:2. Which reads "'My hand made all things. All things are here because I made them,' says the Lord." Reading these words brought tears of joy to my eyes. Of course Oliver looked at me as if I was a crazy person, but what's new there?

The Lord met me tonight in the form of a sweet children's book about pumpkins. I read those words from scripture over and over. "My hand made all things..." not just some things, He made ALL things. The Lord made Henry; and just like that God gave me the exact comfort I needed at the exact right time. I believe He will continue to meet me where and when I need. So for now, with His help, I am learning to love the gray.

-Erin-