I assure you I have not given up on this blog...I have however given up the ideal that I will be able to keep it as current as I once thought I could. I will be 37 weeks pregnant on Monday and let me tell you what ... it is kickin' my butt! For the last 3 to 4 weeks I have had little energy to come home and do much more then read a few books with Oliver and watch, my 10,000th episode of Mickey Mouse Club House...but I digress... I imagine in the coming days and weeks there are going to be lots of posts as Henry is scheduled to be delivered in a mere 2 weeks time and I'll just be hanging out. It is my goal that once he is here that I will update often so that people know how to pray and how all of us are adjusting!
I think for the most part I have been in denial about the "relocation" portion of this pregnancy. It has always seemed so far off into the distance but I can assure when I roll out of our drive way tomorrow at 3:30pm eastern standard time it will not be far off--it will be the here and now. Leaving the loves of my life for an unknown amount of time overwhelms me to the point of speechlessness, and those who know me well or really anyone that has met me once would find this statement hard to believe. But it's here. It's go time. How in the world did 9 months go by so quickly?
When I was pregnant with Oliver people would tell me over and over "oh this is the easy part" and I would politely smile all the while in my head I would be giving them this grand lecture about how losing the ability to put your own shoes on is not the easy part. But now that I have Oliver, they were right, pregnancy is the easy part. The last several days in my quiet time I have come to the realization that the easiest part of Henry's life is coming to a close; as long as he is on the inside he is safe, he is protected, he doesn't have to undergo who knows how many surgeries and procedures, and then I don't have to experience the heartache that will be watching my child go through these difficult things. It's also not been lost on me in the last several days that God responds to us this very same way. God doesn't allow His children to stay in places where things are easy. He tests us, He molds us, He forces us to face a world, that at times, may be unkind to us.
My friend Tyler, through her journey with her sweet son Owen, often shares excerpts from a devotional called Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman, I always found it fascinating how this devotional met Tyler right were she was and offered her such comfort. When we found out about Henry's condition I started reading it each morning and it has done the same for me.
Here is a portion of today's reading: "Even the fact that we face a trial proves that there is something very precious to our Lord in us, or else He would not spend so much time and energy on us. Christ would not test us if He did not see the precious metal of faith mingled with the rocky core of our nature, and it is to refine us into purity and beauty that He forces us through the fiery ordeal."
Leaving Nathan and Oliver is nothing short of God forcing me through the fiery ordeal, but never once does it talk about Him leaving me to deal with it on my own. God reminds me He is providing our strength through the prayers and encouragement of many, some from people we've never met, God reminds me through a gift shop window that He has been at every appointment, every stress test, every ultrasound and He isn't going away anytime soon.
I know that the Lord doesn't take pleasure in seeing His children go through trials, but He sends us through them to refine our faith, to make us stronger but most importantly to glorify His name. So tomorrow afternoon when I leave the two most important people to me to make the trip to Cincinnati, I will do so knowing that God has called me to this time of testing. God has called my family to this because Henry matters to God, because I matter to God, because Oliver matters to God, because Nathan matters to God and through our story someone else is going to realize that they, too, matter to God.
"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3
-Erin-
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Satan Sucks.
Excuse the title, but it most articulately describes how I feel at the moment. Right now satan had better hope that that whole rapture thing is accurate because if he has to reign on the earth for 7 years and I'm left here to deal it - he will rue the day. Henry will be here in 8 weeks, holy cow, and as I watch the calendar and see the days flying by satan has amped up his game and I have had about enough of it. I have this little voice that likes to creep into my head and say things like: you're not ready, you're not strong enough, why us, I'm scared, that's a huge hospital bill, etc. These thoughts are natural, but if I allow myself to dwell on them for even a moment satan has a foothold. Then *BOOM* I can feel myself rolling down off the mountain top right into the valley surrounded by all my hurt, fear, anxiety and anger and it can be extremely hard to get through the valley if you think you're doing it on your own.
One of the best sermons I have ever heard was by Brady Boyd; he is the pastor of the church I attended while I lived in Colorado Springs. He spent weeks going through Psalm 23, he went verse by verse and when we got to verse 4 (...even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil...) he said something that will stay with me forever: "...in this life we will walk through dark valleys. Sometimes these valleys can be an hour long, a day long, a yearlong, who knows, but just because you are in a valley doesn't mean you get to pitch your tent there." Every day I am forging through valleys and trying even harder to not be tempted to "pitch my tent".
This is the first time in my life that I have recognized satan taking a personal interest in seeing me fail. For weeks and months I have been spiritually strong and, I believe, right where the Lord has intended me to be and now with just weeks left before Henry makes his grand entrance all of this overwhelms me sometimes to the point of tears. I want to pitch my tent, I need rest and I am growing weary of this spiritual battle.
But this is what I love about my God: just when my will is failing me - He picks me up. I went to church this past Sunday just completely drained because the end of last week was a tough one. I have always been a person that gets more out of worshiping through music than any other part of the service. The opening song on Sunday was "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin. I would have dropped to my knees in praise after the very first verse, but I knew I probably wouldn't have been able to get my very pregnant self up gracefully, so I stood with arms outstretched praising 'the God of angel armies' with tears rolling down my cheeks.
I am human, my strength is going to fail me. Yes, pitching my tent would be the easy way out. It would be easy for me to get angry over little things, be bitter at what's been thrown our way or to just completely shut down, but who wants to live like that? That's not a life I want for me, my marriage or for my children. I have to be on guard, which at times can be the hardest thing in the world to muster up strength for, and satan knows it. I have learned to spot satan when he is tempting me to pitch my tent and I drown out his annoying little voice with the song above or one of my favorite scriptures: "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." 2 Chronicles 20:17.
I have learned three very important lessons this last few weeks: one, sometimes forging through a valley doesn't mean just taking it one day at a time; it sometimes means taking it a minute at a time. Two, we may find ourselves in valleys more then we'd like, but while we're there we have to keep moving forward and keep looking and listening for God to encourage us through whatever it is we have found ourselves in. And three, I have found that when you go up against the enemy armed with the sword and shield of the Lord he backs off rather quickly. 'Through trouble linger still, whom shall I fear?' Absolutely nothing because my strength is found in the name of the Almighty.
-Erin-
One of the best sermons I have ever heard was by Brady Boyd; he is the pastor of the church I attended while I lived in Colorado Springs. He spent weeks going through Psalm 23, he went verse by verse and when we got to verse 4 (...even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil...) he said something that will stay with me forever: "...in this life we will walk through dark valleys. Sometimes these valleys can be an hour long, a day long, a yearlong, who knows, but just because you are in a valley doesn't mean you get to pitch your tent there." Every day I am forging through valleys and trying even harder to not be tempted to "pitch my tent".
This is the first time in my life that I have recognized satan taking a personal interest in seeing me fail. For weeks and months I have been spiritually strong and, I believe, right where the Lord has intended me to be and now with just weeks left before Henry makes his grand entrance all of this overwhelms me sometimes to the point of tears. I want to pitch my tent, I need rest and I am growing weary of this spiritual battle.
But this is what I love about my God: just when my will is failing me - He picks me up. I went to church this past Sunday just completely drained because the end of last week was a tough one. I have always been a person that gets more out of worshiping through music than any other part of the service. The opening song on Sunday was "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin. I would have dropped to my knees in praise after the very first verse, but I knew I probably wouldn't have been able to get my very pregnant self up gracefully, so I stood with arms outstretched praising 'the God of angel armies' with tears rolling down my cheeks.
I am human, my strength is going to fail me. Yes, pitching my tent would be the easy way out. It would be easy for me to get angry over little things, be bitter at what's been thrown our way or to just completely shut down, but who wants to live like that? That's not a life I want for me, my marriage or for my children. I have to be on guard, which at times can be the hardest thing in the world to muster up strength for, and satan knows it. I have learned to spot satan when he is tempting me to pitch my tent and I drown out his annoying little voice with the song above or one of my favorite scriptures: "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." 2 Chronicles 20:17.
I have learned three very important lessons this last few weeks: one, sometimes forging through a valley doesn't mean just taking it one day at a time; it sometimes means taking it a minute at a time. Two, we may find ourselves in valleys more then we'd like, but while we're there we have to keep moving forward and keep looking and listening for God to encourage us through whatever it is we have found ourselves in. And three, I have found that when you go up against the enemy armed with the sword and shield of the Lord he backs off rather quickly. 'Through trouble linger still, whom shall I fear?' Absolutely nothing because my strength is found in the name of the Almighty.
-Erin-
Monday, December 24, 2012
Dear Santa, you freak me out!
When I was younger I loved going to visit Santa, never once was I ever terrified of Santa. Santa and I were always friends because I knew that in the end it would always work out in my favor to be nice to the guy. My sweet Oliver, however, is terrified of Santa.
For about the last 4 or 5 months Oliver has really started to be a little weary of people he doesn't know so Nathan and I knew going into this year's Santa visit it was probably not going to end well. So my very smart husband thought that bringing a few dum-dum suckers along might make Santa a little less scary for O. We had to wait in line for about 15 minutes and of course by wait I mean I waited in line while Oliver and Nathan threw about $6.00 worth of pennies in the mall fountain. But as we got closer and Oliver was saying "ho ho ho" and talking about Santa and it appeared as though this might not end as badly as we had thought.
Finally it was our turn, Nathan went a few steps a head of us and slipped Santa the dum-dums telling him "these might make it better for all involved" and Santa gave his signature jolly belly laugh. Please keep in mind Oliver had yet to lay eyes on Santa, so he was almost skipping toward Santa's area because he just knew that since we had waited in line this long for something it had to be a good thing. I wish now that I had gotten this on video, but as we rounded the corner he got one look at Santa and turned to me and said "up mommy, up". I tried to encourage him to meet Santa on his own but the poor boy wouldn't let go of my leg long enough to even breathe let alone actually meet Santa. So I did what any good mother does I picked Oliver up and placed him right dead smack in the middle of all his fears, Santa's lap. Then I did the unspeakable, I walked away him.
Nathan and I weren't sure who should have received more of our sympathies over this experience, Oliver or Santa. So after just a few seconds I went over and picked Oliver up and Santa gave O his dum-dum and through his tears Oliver was able to tell him thank you for the sucker and then we walked out of the mall like Santa never even happened. Oh but Santa 2012 did and we have the evidence and it will forever be a part of our Christmas decorations because really it's just a fantastic picture.
For about the last 4 or 5 months Oliver has really started to be a little weary of people he doesn't know so Nathan and I knew going into this year's Santa visit it was probably not going to end well. So my very smart husband thought that bringing a few dum-dum suckers along might make Santa a little less scary for O. We had to wait in line for about 15 minutes and of course by wait I mean I waited in line while Oliver and Nathan threw about $6.00 worth of pennies in the mall fountain. But as we got closer and Oliver was saying "ho ho ho" and talking about Santa and it appeared as though this might not end as badly as we had thought.
Finally it was our turn, Nathan went a few steps a head of us and slipped Santa the dum-dums telling him "these might make it better for all involved" and Santa gave his signature jolly belly laugh. Please keep in mind Oliver had yet to lay eyes on Santa, so he was almost skipping toward Santa's area because he just knew that since we had waited in line this long for something it had to be a good thing. I wish now that I had gotten this on video, but as we rounded the corner he got one look at Santa and turned to me and said "up mommy, up". I tried to encourage him to meet Santa on his own but the poor boy wouldn't let go of my leg long enough to even breathe let alone actually meet Santa. So I did what any good mother does I picked Oliver up and placed him right dead smack in the middle of all his fears, Santa's lap. Then I did the unspeakable, I walked away him.
Nathan and I weren't sure who should have received more of our sympathies over this experience, Oliver or Santa. So after just a few seconds I went over and picked Oliver up and Santa gave O his dum-dum and through his tears Oliver was able to tell him thank you for the sucker and then we walked out of the mall like Santa never even happened. Oh but Santa 2012 did and we have the evidence and it will forever be a part of our Christmas decorations because really it's just a fantastic picture.
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
-Erin-
Sunday, December 16, 2012
He's Two.
Two years ago our lives changed in ways, at the time, we never could have imagined. Oliver Davis was born at 7:27pm. He had red hair, chubby cheeks and the ability to melt my heart in an instant. I can remember almost every single detail of the day O was born as if it were last week...
For weeks I had been getting the "make sure your bag is packed because you probably won't make it to next week's check up" speech from my OB. That speech is agonizing. I remember walking around thinking I was like a ticking time bomb. I remember Nathan and I not wanting to go anywhere unless it was absolutely necessary for fear my water might break in the middle of Kroger or something. I mean could you imagine, "Clean up on aisle 12." Oh my word, what a nightmare that would be. But as we were approaching the 40 week mark I felt nothing more happening than growing frustration because I was so over being pregnant.
December 16, 2010 was a Thursday and it began like most any other day, it was Oliver's due date and Nathan was going into work late because we had, what we hoped to be, our last OB appointment before meeting the child we had already grown to love so much but to which we had never formally been introduced. We got to the doctor's office around 9:30 am and my doctor assured us that it was almost over. Looking back she had such sympathy in her voice probably because I was HUGE. She said if Oliver didn't come on his own we were to report to the hospital the following Monday night to start the labor process by induction, but she also said it wasn't likely that inducing me was going to work and that Tuesday morning she would make the decision to deliver him via c-section. The ultrasound technicians had been watching O's weight closely and were estimating him to be around 9 lbs, but always with the caveat that they could be off by a pound in either direction, meaning there was a possibility that I could have been carring a 10 pound baby. I mean, some people buy Thanksgiving turkeys that weigh less than that. The doctor made it clear to Nathan and I that it was not likely that such a large baby was going to come out of me without surgical intervention - apparently I am just too petite and not built for it.
So we had a plan and as we were leaving my doctor realized she needed to send me to do the 40 week stress test. We were ushered down the hallway and into a room with a big lazy boy and I was instructed to push a button every time O moved, once I was finished my doctor came in and said she didn't like what she saw and asked me if I had eaten anything. I wanted to reply sarcastically, "ummm there is no room left in my body for food, so no I haven't eaten", but I was polite. She sent me out to eat breakfast thinking it would change the results of the test. So after eating something we went back and took the test over again and then they told us we could leave. We were almost to the parking garage when we heard my doctor calling my name and running after us. I looked at Nathan and said, "this can't be good". She told us that the baby was "stressed" and that he would need to be delivered by c-section today." Ya'll, she almost had to pick me up off the floor. I just kept repeating the word "today" over and over again in my head. Oliver had offically outstayed his welcome and he had run out of room (her words not mine). His heart was decelerating because each time he moved he was compressing his umbilical cord. After that brief, but life changing, conversation we were told to go straight to triage where we had to sit and wait for 7 hours all because I had just eaten. They kept close watch on Oliver's heart and were ready to take O if it got worse but wanted to let the food settle so that I wouldn't have any negative reactions to the anesthesia.
Finally the time had come and I was taken to the OR, which has enough material for it's own post, but the thing I remember most vividly is watching a nurse in the corner counting all the medical instruments, while Christmas music was playing in the background. From that moment on I just prayed my way through every single step. I didn't even realize they started when they were telling me that it was time to "push" and by push they meant one doctor kneeling on me pushing on my stomach. And then I heard him. It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. Upon hearing the sound of O's first cry I just remember saying to the Lord "we did it, we actually did it". Nathan went immediately to Oliver's side and I could hear Nathan saying "he has red hair, he has red hair!" Seeing Oliver Davis Hinson for the first time, I believe, is the closest I will ever get this side of heaven to seeing the face of Jesus. It was an amazing day.
And somehow just like that he is 2. He is 2 and can actually carry on a conversation that I can understand (most of the time), he can tell me what he wants for dinner, which most nights is either pizza or noodles, he can spot a bulldozer from a mile away, and best of all he can give me a kiss every night and tell me he loves me. Everyday that Nathan and I have had with Oliver in our lives has been a day full of unspeakable joy. Becoming a mother is a beautiful, God ordained task and one that has seen, and I am sure will continue to see, its ups and downs but I would trade it for nothing.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5
-Erin-
For weeks I had been getting the "make sure your bag is packed because you probably won't make it to next week's check up" speech from my OB. That speech is agonizing. I remember walking around thinking I was like a ticking time bomb. I remember Nathan and I not wanting to go anywhere unless it was absolutely necessary for fear my water might break in the middle of Kroger or something. I mean could you imagine, "Clean up on aisle 12." Oh my word, what a nightmare that would be. But as we were approaching the 40 week mark I felt nothing more happening than growing frustration because I was so over being pregnant.
December 16, 2010 was a Thursday and it began like most any other day, it was Oliver's due date and Nathan was going into work late because we had, what we hoped to be, our last OB appointment before meeting the child we had already grown to love so much but to which we had never formally been introduced. We got to the doctor's office around 9:30 am and my doctor assured us that it was almost over. Looking back she had such sympathy in her voice probably because I was HUGE. She said if Oliver didn't come on his own we were to report to the hospital the following Monday night to start the labor process by induction, but she also said it wasn't likely that inducing me was going to work and that Tuesday morning she would make the decision to deliver him via c-section. The ultrasound technicians had been watching O's weight closely and were estimating him to be around 9 lbs, but always with the caveat that they could be off by a pound in either direction, meaning there was a possibility that I could have been carring a 10 pound baby. I mean, some people buy Thanksgiving turkeys that weigh less than that. The doctor made it clear to Nathan and I that it was not likely that such a large baby was going to come out of me without surgical intervention - apparently I am just too petite and not built for it.
So we had a plan and as we were leaving my doctor realized she needed to send me to do the 40 week stress test. We were ushered down the hallway and into a room with a big lazy boy and I was instructed to push a button every time O moved, once I was finished my doctor came in and said she didn't like what she saw and asked me if I had eaten anything. I wanted to reply sarcastically, "ummm there is no room left in my body for food, so no I haven't eaten", but I was polite. She sent me out to eat breakfast thinking it would change the results of the test. So after eating something we went back and took the test over again and then they told us we could leave. We were almost to the parking garage when we heard my doctor calling my name and running after us. I looked at Nathan and said, "this can't be good". She told us that the baby was "stressed" and that he would need to be delivered by c-section today." Ya'll, she almost had to pick me up off the floor. I just kept repeating the word "today" over and over again in my head. Oliver had offically outstayed his welcome and he had run out of room (her words not mine). His heart was decelerating because each time he moved he was compressing his umbilical cord. After that brief, but life changing, conversation we were told to go straight to triage where we had to sit and wait for 7 hours all because I had just eaten. They kept close watch on Oliver's heart and were ready to take O if it got worse but wanted to let the food settle so that I wouldn't have any negative reactions to the anesthesia. 
Finally the time had come and I was taken to the OR, which has enough material for it's own post, but the thing I remember most vividly is watching a nurse in the corner counting all the medical instruments, while Christmas music was playing in the background. From that moment on I just prayed my way through every single step. I didn't even realize they started when they were telling me that it was time to "push" and by push they meant one doctor kneeling on me pushing on my stomach. And then I heard him. It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. Upon hearing the sound of O's first cry I just remember saying to the Lord "we did it, we actually did it". Nathan went immediately to Oliver's side and I could hear Nathan saying "he has red hair, he has red hair!" Seeing Oliver Davis Hinson for the first time, I believe, is the closest I will ever get this side of heaven to seeing the face of Jesus. It was an amazing day.And somehow just like that he is 2. He is 2 and can actually carry on a conversation that I can understand (most of the time), he can tell me what he wants for dinner, which most nights is either pizza or noodles, he can spot a bulldozer from a mile away, and best of all he can give me a kiss every night and tell me he loves me. Everyday that Nathan and I have had with Oliver in our lives has been a day full of unspeakable joy. Becoming a mother is a beautiful, God ordained task and one that has seen, and I am sure will continue to see, its ups and downs but I would trade it for nothing.
So, today he turned 2 and he is now peacefully asleep in his bed with a firetruck, an elephant, a book, a bulldozer and a puppy all because that's how 2-year-olds roll.
 |
| December 16, 2010 December 16, 2011 December 16, 2012 |
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5
-Erin-
Monday, November 26, 2012
Catching up...
The dust has now settled from our initial trip to Cincinnati and we have gone back to living a semi-normal life. Nathan and I have been reading all the materials we received while in Cincinnati and gleaning new information daily, but I know I have emotionally reached a place of great peace. Even though I read a little more every day about the clinical aspect of Spina Bifida my soul is calm. I know it’s only because the Lord has provided it. "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11 Most days we’re so busy with all that life presents us, I forget all about Spina Bifida. I don't even think about it much anymore when Henry moves, which is a great blessing as that was something I really struggled with after receiving the news. My heart would ache for him and for me but now he moves and I am only reminded of the child that God has given us to love. This is a reminder I receive often because he is constantly moving, but more on that in a minute.
As I said emotionally I am feeling pretty great but physically I am exhausted. It's funny when I was pregnant with Oliver my second trimester was fantastic, with Henry I get up, take a shower and then feel like I should lay back down for a nap. When I was pregnant with O, I remember he was a calm baby, even after he was born he was very easy going. I can remember I used to pray many times throughout the day that he would just move so I knew he was ok. More times than not Oliver's movement was in the form of hiccups. The poor boy would get them and they would stay for hours. With Henry I find myself asking the Lord for a break. The boy is moving all the time!!! There are moments when I am in serious need of a dramamine because I feel as though I am rolling on the high seas. So it makes me wonder what this means for Henry's personality and what he will be like when he gets here? Oliver to this day is still an easy going child, and for the most part, a calm child. I mean as calm as it gets being an almost 2-year-old, which I guess isn’t very calm at all. (ha ha ha) I know that the day Henry is born this journey is really just beginning for us, but I find that as I am waiting for all of this to really begin, I stand with great strength and with much more anticipation of who Henry will be, rather than waiting in worry about who he may not be because of his diagnosis.
Good News
Last Wednesday we had an ultrasound to check up on Mr. Henry and his fetal movement was off the charts. His legs and arms were moving with great ease and with even greater frequency! The ultrasound tech just kept laughing at him. He would flip and flop and roll and kick and I assured her this was my every day with little Henry. Best news from the ultrasound is that Henry’s head is growing!!!!! He is now only measuring about a week behind in gestational age for his head size, so it’s still small but hey it’s growing! This is a huge answer to prayer, but something that still needs to be prayed over! I know without a doubt that the Lord hears the prayers of the masses that have been going out for Henry and our family and He is answering them as He sees fit. With each new answer God reveals Himself to me in a way I didn’t think possible. More good news: the ventricles in Henry’s brain also went down by 3 millimeters. At the beginning of the month they measured 11 millimeters and they now measure at 8 millimeters which is well within normal fetal range. The size of the ventricles may fluctuate but this was a very good sign on Wednesday.
I have my first doctor’s appointment in Cincinnati on December 18 and they will increase in frequency as Henry (and I) grows in size. For now our pregnancy experience with Henry is like any other baby with a few more doctors’ visits, but as we near that 30 week mark I will begin going to the doctor twice a week for testing and monitoring. Thankfully we have found a way that my doctors here can co-manage the case with doctors in Cincinnati so that I am not driving up and down I-71 twice a week until it is absolutely necessary!
I will leave you with this thought for the day...It’s hard to believe that we only have about 14 weeks left before baby Henry arrives, now if only we could get Big Brother to know what this means... Nathan and I have been trying to explain to Oliver for months who Henry is- but he is 23 months old – how much is he really going to understand? We have found some fantastic books like this one, this one and this one, however our sweet sweet almost 2-year-old now believes that there is something called a “Henry” growing in, on, or near his belly and he thinks that whatever is happening to mommy’s belly has something to do with a bulldozer. Let’s all hope baby Henry looks nothing or weighs nothing like a bulldozer! :)
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Psalms 127:3
Here are a few pictures from our Thanksgiving, hope you all had a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!
As I said emotionally I am feeling pretty great but physically I am exhausted. It's funny when I was pregnant with Oliver my second trimester was fantastic, with Henry I get up, take a shower and then feel like I should lay back down for a nap. When I was pregnant with O, I remember he was a calm baby, even after he was born he was very easy going. I can remember I used to pray many times throughout the day that he would just move so I knew he was ok. More times than not Oliver's movement was in the form of hiccups. The poor boy would get them and they would stay for hours. With Henry I find myself asking the Lord for a break. The boy is moving all the time!!! There are moments when I am in serious need of a dramamine because I feel as though I am rolling on the high seas. So it makes me wonder what this means for Henry's personality and what he will be like when he gets here? Oliver to this day is still an easy going child, and for the most part, a calm child. I mean as calm as it gets being an almost 2-year-old, which I guess isn’t very calm at all. (ha ha ha) I know that the day Henry is born this journey is really just beginning for us, but I find that as I am waiting for all of this to really begin, I stand with great strength and with much more anticipation of who Henry will be, rather than waiting in worry about who he may not be because of his diagnosis.
Good News
Last Wednesday we had an ultrasound to check up on Mr. Henry and his fetal movement was off the charts. His legs and arms were moving with great ease and with even greater frequency! The ultrasound tech just kept laughing at him. He would flip and flop and roll and kick and I assured her this was my every day with little Henry. Best news from the ultrasound is that Henry’s head is growing!!!!! He is now only measuring about a week behind in gestational age for his head size, so it’s still small but hey it’s growing! This is a huge answer to prayer, but something that still needs to be prayed over! I know without a doubt that the Lord hears the prayers of the masses that have been going out for Henry and our family and He is answering them as He sees fit. With each new answer God reveals Himself to me in a way I didn’t think possible. More good news: the ventricles in Henry’s brain also went down by 3 millimeters. At the beginning of the month they measured 11 millimeters and they now measure at 8 millimeters which is well within normal fetal range. The size of the ventricles may fluctuate but this was a very good sign on Wednesday.
I have my first doctor’s appointment in Cincinnati on December 18 and they will increase in frequency as Henry (and I) grows in size. For now our pregnancy experience with Henry is like any other baby with a few more doctors’ visits, but as we near that 30 week mark I will begin going to the doctor twice a week for testing and monitoring. Thankfully we have found a way that my doctors here can co-manage the case with doctors in Cincinnati so that I am not driving up and down I-71 twice a week until it is absolutely necessary!
I will leave you with this thought for the day...It’s hard to believe that we only have about 14 weeks left before baby Henry arrives, now if only we could get Big Brother to know what this means... Nathan and I have been trying to explain to Oliver for months who Henry is- but he is 23 months old – how much is he really going to understand? We have found some fantastic books like this one, this one and this one, however our sweet sweet almost 2-year-old now believes that there is something called a “Henry” growing in, on, or near his belly and he thinks that whatever is happening to mommy’s belly has something to do with a bulldozer. Let’s all hope baby Henry looks nothing or weighs nothing like a bulldozer! :)
Here are a few pictures from our Thanksgiving, hope you all had a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!
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Saturday, November 10, 2012
Information Overload...
This past Thursday and Friday (Nov. 8 & 9) we made the trip up to Cincinnati Children's Hospital (CCMH) for our 2 day consult about Henry. I knew going into the two day evaluation that us going to Cincinnati was a good decision; I now know it is and will be the best decision we have made thus far for Henry. Hang on to your hat this is going to be a long post...
On Thursday, I had an MRI that lasted for an hour and a half, but might as well been forever. I have never been a claustrophobic person but after that it's possible that anyone could become claustrophobic. For fetal imaging they wrap you in these coil things making the space even smaller. I literally felt like when it was over if you turned out the lights I would have glowed, but it gave the doctors the information that they needed, so I did it with a smile on my face. From the MRI I went straight into a 2 hour and 15 minute ultrasound. Henry is a feisty little dude. He wanted no part of their poking and prodding which I find hilarious because he is in for a lot of poking and prodding. There were several moments of that ultrasound that lifted my spirits - at one point we could actually see Henry sticking his tongue out at the ultrasound tech. He waved a lot and he has really long fingers. At this point his feet show no sign of clubbing and his legs have movement, which we have been told will change but more on that in a minute. Please keep in mind that at this point in the day I had not had anything to eat or drink since about 8:30 am so when my mom, Nathan and I went up to the fetal care center for our last meeting I was really hungry. I was surprised when they brought me a sack lunch. It may seem silly but I was almost moved to tears over a sack lunch. I didn't ask for it nor did I even know it was an option but they knew I would need it. It was the simplest way that they could show me that they cared and that they were prepared for us. We then met with a nurse from the Fetal Care Center and she was fantastic in explaining things further and helping us understand what awaited us on Friday.
On Friday my first appointment was with a Cardiologist, who did an echocardiogram on Henry's heart and thankfully all looked great! In the early afternoon my Mom, Nathan and I met with the Developmental Pediatrician at the Spina Bifida Clinic. She is exactly what one would imagine a German grandmother to be like, I half expected her to bring us German cookies and bust out in a traditional German folk song. I knew after meeting her she would be Henry's doctor, for crying out loud she wrote a book about Spina Bifida why would you not chose her to be your child's doctor if given the option?! At this point all the scans had been read and sent to the doctors so she was able to tell us that Henry's lesion is at L3/L4, which is something we had been waiting to hear for weeks. She then went on to explain what she has seen in other L3/L4 kiddos: it is likely that when he is young, Henry will be able to walk with the assistance of bracing and other supports. She did say, however, that most children with this type of lesion do chose a wheelchair as they get older because it requires such energy for them to walk. Keep in mind that, at this point, this is all speculation and will be determined only when Henry is here and is hitting these milestones like any other child his age would. With the location of Henry's lesion he will most likely have feeling in his hips, thighs and his knees but will have muscle weakness/paralysis from the knees down. She also explained that it is likely Henry will have to be catheterized his entire life because the muscles that would signal his bladder to function will also have paralysis and will most likely never function like mine or yours does. The same goes for his bowels, but we won't deal with that aspect of it until he is around 2 or so. She gave us lots of information, including her book, but she kept saying one thing over and over that Henry is going to be a baby just like any other baby. His needs are not going to be that much different than any other newborn. This gave me a great peace.
From there we met with a Social Worker and a Genetics Counselor from the Fetal Care Center and they offered us more information and explained in a little more detail what it would be like should we chose to deliver Henry in Ohio. Then at 4:15 pm they came to get us for the TEAM meeting. I felt like when I walked in the room I needed to introduce myself with a few letters after my name just to fit in. ("Hi my name is Erin Hinson, ABC, LMNOP, XYZ") But they quickly made us feel comfortable; there was a maternal doctor, neurosurgeon, surgical director for the fetal care center, neonatologist, nurse coordinator for Good Sam and a few others. They began going over the scans with us. Seeing an MRI image is pretty cool anyway, but seeing said image of a fetus is amazing. I wish I could post a picture here but in one of the images Henry's face looked much like a fish you'd see in Finding Nemo 2, the entire room laughed, which made me smile. The most shocking thing the scans reveled to us is that, just like his big brother, Henry has a duplicated right kidney. Which means between our 2 boys we have 6 kidneys. That's crazy! They explained to us what Henry's surgery/surgeries would be like and that he would have to stay in the NICU for about 3 weeks. I have to tell you the entire time every single one of them called Henry by name as if they were all old friends. They know much more about my son than I do and it gave me comfort that they called him by his name - he's not just some Spina Bifida case, he is Henry Jude Hinson. They were very matter of fact with us, but along with that came some very scary moments. They have to lay out all the risks of what may be, what could happen, worst case scenario etc., although they would always quickly follow the bad stuff with the statement that this isn't the case for all Spina Bifida babies but there can be some outliers. The neurologist that was in the room said something that made my mommy heart leap for joy and will be one of the things that will carry me through this journey, she told us that when Henry is born he will have function and it is their desire to keep him always functioning at that level or better. She then said "decline is not an acceptable option for any of our patients". It took my breath away, because up until that moment I had done a good job of keeping it together but I lost it when she said those words to us because as Henry's mom I am ready to fight for him in a way I didn't even know possible and it makes my heart full knowing that Henry will now have doctors who will fight for him just as much as I will!
Well I guess that's the Reader's Digest version of our trip. I am sure I left something out but that's what I can remember for now, driving home last night I had a feeling similar to the drive home in college after finals week... sheer brain drain. They gave us tons of material to read and review so i am sure there will be more...
It wasn't even a conversation that Nathan and I really needed to have, but at some point during this 2 day experience we decided that we would delivery Henry in Cincinnati and his care would be provided by the amazing people we met over the course of the trip. This is what we know: I will be calling my OBGYN on Monday to officially transfer my care to the OBGYN group up in Cincinnati and they will deliver Henry at Good Sam Hospital at 39 weeks. A few hours after delivery Henry will be taken to CCMH, by ambulance, and he will set up residence in their NICU. At some point in his first 24 hours they will take him into surgery to repair the lesion, a few days later they may (most likely will) take him back into surgery to install the shunting system in his brain. We're not sure yet when I will have to relocate to Cincinnati - a lot of that depends on the rest of my pregnancy But if Henry is anything like Oliver, he will be content to stay inside for as long as possible. They could have me relocate as early as 37 weeks or I could come up a few days before the scheduled c-section.
Prayer Requests
Many have asked us what to pray for as of right now here is the list:
Healing: Obviously I believe in a God who is in the business of miracles. I pray for the Lord to grant Henry and our family a giant miracle everyday. I believe if He chooses to the Lord could completely heal Henry's body, but I also know that my kind of miracle and God's kind of miracle may be different. The very fact that Henry's heart is beating and that we havefound been lead to a wonderful team to care for him at CCMH is miracle enough for me.
Pregnancy: Pray that from this point forward my pregnancy will be uneventful. No more surprises, no early labor. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Henry's Head: Right now Henry has a head circumference that is measuring about 2 weeks behind the rest of his body. This isn't uncommon for babies with Spina Bifida but we, the doctors, need to see it grow. This was probably the scariest part of the team meeting. Talking about what would happen if Henry's head and brain aren't growing, but again they said it is a common find and not something to worry about just yet. But come on I will still worry about it so we need to pray that away. Pray it grows; I want to deliver a baby boy that has a HUGE head! :)
Finances: It's not going to be cheap for me to drive up and down the highway every couple of weeks for OB appointments but it is what we need to do for Henry so we will do it. I will also be away from home for a possible 5 weeks before and after Henry is here, which means Nathan and Oliver will be driving up and down the highway. While we will be able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House, it's still going to be expensive for me to leave work a couple of weeks early and take a longer than average maternity leave. We also have no idea if I will go back to work full time or part time or not at all. A lot depends on Henry and the care he will need. Again all things we won't know until Henry is here. We are praying that Nathan would find a job that would allow us the potential to be a one income family but also have great benefits - because we're going to need those benefits!
Oliver: There are going to be a lot of changes for him in the days leading up to and after Henry's birth. It's likely because Henry will be born during flu season that Oliver won't get to meet Henry until we bring him home. Oliver's also going to be without me on a regular basis if I need to relocate early and during Henry's stay in the NICU. Oliver is a fantastic little boy, he adjusts well, but this is different than anything he has experienced in his 2 years of life. As his mommy I want to fight for him too and I know it's going to be hard on him and my prayer is that God would allow me to give myself some grace and not feel guilty for leaving him and that the Lord would give Oliver a peace during this time.
I know that just as He has promised God is going before us and preparing the way for us. I believe that this trip has made all of this real in a way it wasn't a few days ago. We have some realistic expectations now, we understand a little better what we're dealing with but we have also seen God beautifully orchestrating the entire thing. I found this verse a few days ago and I believe it will be one that now stays with our family forever. Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NLT) As many of you know I'm a planner. There isn't much I can plan for right now, but this verse and many others have given me a great peace. I know that at this very minute God is handling the planning. He is doing great things to prepare us, our families and our friends for Henry. I know that one day I will be able look back with the realization that God took care of everything.
-Erin-
On Thursday, I had an MRI that lasted for an hour and a half, but might as well been forever. I have never been a claustrophobic person but after that it's possible that anyone could become claustrophobic. For fetal imaging they wrap you in these coil things making the space even smaller. I literally felt like when it was over if you turned out the lights I would have glowed, but it gave the doctors the information that they needed, so I did it with a smile on my face. From the MRI I went straight into a 2 hour and 15 minute ultrasound. Henry is a feisty little dude. He wanted no part of their poking and prodding which I find hilarious because he is in for a lot of poking and prodding. There were several moments of that ultrasound that lifted my spirits - at one point we could actually see Henry sticking his tongue out at the ultrasound tech. He waved a lot and he has really long fingers. At this point his feet show no sign of clubbing and his legs have movement, which we have been told will change but more on that in a minute. Please keep in mind that at this point in the day I had not had anything to eat or drink since about 8:30 am so when my mom, Nathan and I went up to the fetal care center for our last meeting I was really hungry. I was surprised when they brought me a sack lunch. It may seem silly but I was almost moved to tears over a sack lunch. I didn't ask for it nor did I even know it was an option but they knew I would need it. It was the simplest way that they could show me that they cared and that they were prepared for us. We then met with a nurse from the Fetal Care Center and she was fantastic in explaining things further and helping us understand what awaited us on Friday.
On Friday my first appointment was with a Cardiologist, who did an echocardiogram on Henry's heart and thankfully all looked great! In the early afternoon my Mom, Nathan and I met with the Developmental Pediatrician at the Spina Bifida Clinic. She is exactly what one would imagine a German grandmother to be like, I half expected her to bring us German cookies and bust out in a traditional German folk song. I knew after meeting her she would be Henry's doctor, for crying out loud she wrote a book about Spina Bifida why would you not chose her to be your child's doctor if given the option?! At this point all the scans had been read and sent to the doctors so she was able to tell us that Henry's lesion is at L3/L4, which is something we had been waiting to hear for weeks. She then went on to explain what she has seen in other L3/L4 kiddos: it is likely that when he is young, Henry will be able to walk with the assistance of bracing and other supports. She did say, however, that most children with this type of lesion do chose a wheelchair as they get older because it requires such energy for them to walk. Keep in mind that, at this point, this is all speculation and will be determined only when Henry is here and is hitting these milestones like any other child his age would. With the location of Henry's lesion he will most likely have feeling in his hips, thighs and his knees but will have muscle weakness/paralysis from the knees down. She also explained that it is likely Henry will have to be catheterized his entire life because the muscles that would signal his bladder to function will also have paralysis and will most likely never function like mine or yours does. The same goes for his bowels, but we won't deal with that aspect of it until he is around 2 or so. She gave us lots of information, including her book, but she kept saying one thing over and over that Henry is going to be a baby just like any other baby. His needs are not going to be that much different than any other newborn. This gave me a great peace.
From there we met with a Social Worker and a Genetics Counselor from the Fetal Care Center and they offered us more information and explained in a little more detail what it would be like should we chose to deliver Henry in Ohio. Then at 4:15 pm they came to get us for the TEAM meeting. I felt like when I walked in the room I needed to introduce myself with a few letters after my name just to fit in. ("Hi my name is Erin Hinson, ABC, LMNOP, XYZ") But they quickly made us feel comfortable; there was a maternal doctor, neurosurgeon, surgical director for the fetal care center, neonatologist, nurse coordinator for Good Sam and a few others. They began going over the scans with us. Seeing an MRI image is pretty cool anyway, but seeing said image of a fetus is amazing. I wish I could post a picture here but in one of the images Henry's face looked much like a fish you'd see in Finding Nemo 2, the entire room laughed, which made me smile. The most shocking thing the scans reveled to us is that, just like his big brother, Henry has a duplicated right kidney. Which means between our 2 boys we have 6 kidneys. That's crazy! They explained to us what Henry's surgery/surgeries would be like and that he would have to stay in the NICU for about 3 weeks. I have to tell you the entire time every single one of them called Henry by name as if they were all old friends. They know much more about my son than I do and it gave me comfort that they called him by his name - he's not just some Spina Bifida case, he is Henry Jude Hinson. They were very matter of fact with us, but along with that came some very scary moments. They have to lay out all the risks of what may be, what could happen, worst case scenario etc., although they would always quickly follow the bad stuff with the statement that this isn't the case for all Spina Bifida babies but there can be some outliers. The neurologist that was in the room said something that made my mommy heart leap for joy and will be one of the things that will carry me through this journey, she told us that when Henry is born he will have function and it is their desire to keep him always functioning at that level or better. She then said "decline is not an acceptable option for any of our patients". It took my breath away, because up until that moment I had done a good job of keeping it together but I lost it when she said those words to us because as Henry's mom I am ready to fight for him in a way I didn't even know possible and it makes my heart full knowing that Henry will now have doctors who will fight for him just as much as I will!
Well I guess that's the Reader's Digest version of our trip. I am sure I left something out but that's what I can remember for now, driving home last night I had a feeling similar to the drive home in college after finals week... sheer brain drain. They gave us tons of material to read and review so i am sure there will be more...
It wasn't even a conversation that Nathan and I really needed to have, but at some point during this 2 day experience we decided that we would delivery Henry in Cincinnati and his care would be provided by the amazing people we met over the course of the trip. This is what we know: I will be calling my OBGYN on Monday to officially transfer my care to the OBGYN group up in Cincinnati and they will deliver Henry at Good Sam Hospital at 39 weeks. A few hours after delivery Henry will be taken to CCMH, by ambulance, and he will set up residence in their NICU. At some point in his first 24 hours they will take him into surgery to repair the lesion, a few days later they may (most likely will) take him back into surgery to install the shunting system in his brain. We're not sure yet when I will have to relocate to Cincinnati - a lot of that depends on the rest of my pregnancy But if Henry is anything like Oliver, he will be content to stay inside for as long as possible. They could have me relocate as early as 37 weeks or I could come up a few days before the scheduled c-section.
Prayer Requests
Many have asked us what to pray for as of right now here is the list:
Healing: Obviously I believe in a God who is in the business of miracles. I pray for the Lord to grant Henry and our family a giant miracle everyday. I believe if He chooses to the Lord could completely heal Henry's body, but I also know that my kind of miracle and God's kind of miracle may be different. The very fact that Henry's heart is beating and that we have
Pregnancy: Pray that from this point forward my pregnancy will be uneventful. No more surprises, no early labor. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Henry's Head: Right now Henry has a head circumference that is measuring about 2 weeks behind the rest of his body. This isn't uncommon for babies with Spina Bifida but we, the doctors, need to see it grow. This was probably the scariest part of the team meeting. Talking about what would happen if Henry's head and brain aren't growing, but again they said it is a common find and not something to worry about just yet. But come on I will still worry about it so we need to pray that away. Pray it grows; I want to deliver a baby boy that has a HUGE head! :)
Finances: It's not going to be cheap for me to drive up and down the highway every couple of weeks for OB appointments but it is what we need to do for Henry so we will do it. I will also be away from home for a possible 5 weeks before and after Henry is here, which means Nathan and Oliver will be driving up and down the highway. While we will be able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House, it's still going to be expensive for me to leave work a couple of weeks early and take a longer than average maternity leave. We also have no idea if I will go back to work full time or part time or not at all. A lot depends on Henry and the care he will need. Again all things we won't know until Henry is here. We are praying that Nathan would find a job that would allow us the potential to be a one income family but also have great benefits - because we're going to need those benefits!
Oliver: There are going to be a lot of changes for him in the days leading up to and after Henry's birth. It's likely because Henry will be born during flu season that Oliver won't get to meet Henry until we bring him home. Oliver's also going to be without me on a regular basis if I need to relocate early and during Henry's stay in the NICU. Oliver is a fantastic little boy, he adjusts well, but this is different than anything he has experienced in his 2 years of life. As his mommy I want to fight for him too and I know it's going to be hard on him and my prayer is that God would allow me to give myself some grace and not feel guilty for leaving him and that the Lord would give Oliver a peace during this time.
I know that just as He has promised God is going before us and preparing the way for us. I believe that this trip has made all of this real in a way it wasn't a few days ago. We have some realistic expectations now, we understand a little better what we're dealing with but we have also seen God beautifully orchestrating the entire thing. I found this verse a few days ago and I believe it will be one that now stays with our family forever. Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NLT) As many of you know I'm a planner. There isn't much I can plan for right now, but this verse and many others have given me a great peace. I know that at this very minute God is handling the planning. He is doing great things to prepare us, our families and our friends for Henry. I know that one day I will be able look back with the realization that God took care of everything.
-Erin-
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sometimes you just gotta put on the monkey costume...
This is Oliver's first real Halloween. He was a monkey. A really, really cute monkey. However, the very first time I tried putting the monkey costume on him it took me an hour. He was mad and wanted no part of becoming a monkey. I was mad and was determined not to be out done by my 22-month-old. He kept saying screaming "all done mommy, all done mommy!" He put up a good fight but in the end I did what every mother does at some point, I bribed him. I promised him a horse, candy, a bounce house, a pumpkin, more candy - I was desperate. But even after getting him in the costume he still wasn't happy about it. Because, quite frankly, the kid is smart, he knew there was a good possibility that mommy was pulling his leg in one of her ridiculous stunts, and that there might not be a horse or candy or a bounce house.
Exhibit A:
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| This picture makes me laugh every single time I see it. |
Ultimately, I was very thankful that all these things were actually at the fall festival and Oliver did realize very quickly that the monkey costume meant that people would give you candy. Dum-Dum Suckers are his biggest weakness. As the weeks went on and we would tell him it was "monkey time" he would run to his room and wait patiently to put that monkey costume on because he knew what was coming. He didn't know how long it was going to take for us to get to the festival, trunk or treat, the zoo, etc... but he knew that when we got there there was going to be good stuff awaiting him, quite possibly dum-dums would be involved.
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| Our Very Happy Monkey |
Today I felt much like Oliver the first time he saw me coming towards him with that monkey costume. I wanted no part of today. I didn't sleep very well last night, thanks in part to a trick-or-treater that rang our doorbell at 8:45pm and woke Oliver up. I have also spent 7 days talking and thinking about Spina Bifida. I have spent 7 days with people looking at me with sorrow in their eyes, and questions on their minds. Today I didn't want to talk about Spina Bifida. Today I was tired both physically and emotionally, I was cranky and not very talkative. I think, for the most part, I was content to stay that way. I wanted to dwell and wallow, which is normally so not like me. And then I was reminded of a saying my mom just LOVES to throw out there when things aren't going our way: "no matter what, every day we must choose joy". I was not doing a very good job of being joyful today, let alone making any attempt to actually try to choose joy.
So I did the only thing I know how to do, I prayed and went looking for comfort in God's word. Please keep in mind it took me much of the day to even realize that my attitude needed a God sized intervention or it was going to be a very long night before I could finally be one with my pillow again. So I began to read and then like a spiritual 2X4 upside the head the Lord reminds me: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Ummm, yeah humble pie for one, please.
So it's been 7 days and we still have very little answers and there are a lot of questions. But just like Oliver didn't know how long it was going to take for us to get him to the candy, he knew that as long as he had the monkey costume on candy was a-comin', I may never understand this side of heaven why Henry has Spina Bifida or why we were chosen as his parents, but if we remain faithful and choose to see the joy in this journey we will find joy and there will be many blessings along the way.
-Erin-
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